An ode to canary yellow feathers

I saw these and fell head over heels. I checked the price and couldn't believe they were just Rs 80! I wore them with many many many different outfits and simply loved the feeling of carrying around two drops of sunshine all day. Unfortunately, on a very windy day on a boat, one of these beauties flew away from me. I was devastated. But I'm hanging on to the single earring that I do have left, determined to re-live the memories associated with it for a while yet. So, this is my ode to my lost canary yellow feather earring...

Dear Canary Yellow Feather Earring,

- You were the much-hyped pop of colour that really did work. You brightened up my face when I wore navy, grey or black.

- You were the quickest way to upgrade a meh uninsipired look on to a cute one. I think you might even have de-aged me a bit (or is that just wishful thinking!)

- You were the perfect antidote to a depressing day, otherwise known as any day I didn't feel like slapping on concealer with a shovel to hide my dark circles.

- You were the lightest things I have ever worn in my ears. My ears were achingly grateful for the break from danglers that feel like rocks.

- You could be used to dress up my everyday jeans & cotton tops by matching you to my yellow handbag, or dress down a dressy dress by making you my single accessory.

- You were pretty and soft, girly and yummy coloured. In other words, a great example of cute chic!

So, your lonesome twin will hang in my accessories drawer, a bright little feathery bit, that will always bring to mind your legacy to me - a reminder forever of sunny days..   

The skinny bitch

In polite company, I call her my slim friend. Do you have one of those? And do you hate her as much as I hate mine? She can hoover up pizza, beer and cheesecake without putting on an ounce. Unlike me, who has put on a half kilo in last 10 seconds, just dreaming about these delights. My friend has enviably slim legs and arms, which I have stared at with envy since our teens. However, I do have the larger boobs and nipped in waist that she longs for . All in all, she's a straighter body type ; biggest con - less defined curves ; biggest pro -fewer bulges. So, how would I dress her? Why, she's the perfect clothes hangar!

Skinny chic is an enviable dream for a large majority of Indian women . But if you have the shape girlfriend, I say - Flaunt It! 

If I had my way, I would send her to work in tailored shirts tucked into low-waisted trousers with smart belts and understated jewellery to underline the look with easy elegance. Lucky cow, she can get away without needing to wear high heels because of her slim legs. A waistcoat or cinched belt will create the illusion of a curving waist on the days she wants to go the extra mile. And that's it, her smart look for the corporate world is complete!

Her party look is a sequined tank with the tapering coloured jeans. Yes, these would be the very same jeans that make my thighs look like mincemeat over-stuffed into a sausage, but when it comes to her, they just change their mind and cling to her butt in a way that makes you want to just reach out and squeeeeeze . 

And don't get me started on the casual lounging-about look she does SO effortlessly in shorts and a loose top, with maybe a couple of cute necklaces and some eye makeup.  

Only this type of body shape can carry off the high neck sleeveless military-ish tops that make girls with larger boobs look like they're ready to burst out. Combined with slim fitting jeans or carrot pants, this girl is going to look like she's stepped off the pages of a fashion mag!

Now that she's on sabbatical looking after her new-born, especially with a small post-pregnancy tummy, I would put her in linen trousers with structured tops made from cotton in the summer and raw silk in the winter.

For family ocassions, I can showcase her slim thighs to full advantage in bright lycra churidars with contrasting short kurtis in a rich broacade and some mojris.

Oh not for this girl, the need to think about slimming black or monotone outfits - she can deliver my absolutely favourite way of creating impact - colour, colour and more colour! Contrasting layers mean she looks younger or sportier without much of an effort (of course, us curvy girls need to be more careful with these).

Now who wouldn't want to be this gorgeous elegantly sexy gal?   

I dare you to ignore the Indian hips

So, frozen margarita season is well and truly upon us. Or kala-khatta ice gola season. Whichever your preference may be. To kickstart the weekend, we invited a couple of friends over on Friday evening, ostensibly, to enjoy the late evening sea breeze on our tiny balcony, but in reality to indulge my craving for fresh watermelon cocktails . As dusk approached, I scanned my closet to pick out a light summer dress to pair with the iced drinks and I realised that - but of course! I have nothing to wear. Absolutely not a thing.

You know what comes next, ladies . A scheme was hatched very quickly the following morning to “invest” in a few light and breezy summery outfits. Being the obsessive planner I am, I made a meticulous plan for the perfect summer capsule wardrobe and off I went on a Saturday jaunt to tick some items off my list.

However (and isn't there always a however?), when faced with the two limitations of many Indian women (i) a budget and (ii) a body lovingly nourished with french fries, blueberry cheesecakes, pepperoni pizza and every form of carbohydrate on this planet, my excitement-laden hope of finding lots of lovely new things turned into miserable frustration, at the fact that - Nothing Fits Right!

If the store actually stocks summery linen trousers that make it up past up my knees to encase my well-rounded bottom, the waist gaps at the back. If the waistband is stretchy and hence, fits me, the narrow trouser legs, often without any stretch in the fabric, make my thighs look like over-stuffed sausages. If the trouser legs are miraculously wide enough, the crotch area often creates an unsightly 'camel-toe' effect. If the skirt rests comfortably over my muffin-top tummy, it stops exactly three inches above my knees to show off the fat deposits that adorn my plump thighs. If I find the perfect shirt that subtly flatters my waist, then of course, it has to be popping open at the bust.

Aaaargh! I get annoyed at the sales people, I vow to lose weight (starting right now!), I think about control underwear that doesn't allow one to breathe. And the more clothes I try, the more depressed I get. So I throw up my hands in frustration, eat a Costa chocolate muffin, tell myself that its a lost cause and that aaj kal ke clothes are made for skinny under-developed 15 year old teeny boppers and just cannot suit me.

Now of course, that isn't true. I'm just a regular Indian body type, who needs to be particular about the type of clothes I wear. Unfortunately, the high street in India is largely made up of European chains - Mango, Zara, French Connection, Promod, Bennetton or its copycat cousins Chemistry, Lifestyle, Pantaloons, Cottonworld. And the problem is that many of their clothes are patterned for the French, Italian and German ladies. Rather unfortunately for them, most European sized women do not have the lovely curvy bodies that us Indian women are blessed with. We have boobs, waists and hips (sometimes more of one than the others ), whereas, European women are generally taller and more of a straighter shape than us. So doesn't that leave you with an Aaaaargh?

Not to worry. The secret to elegance in such a scenario is just a one-word password away. Tailoring. For you and me, the answer is grown-up tailoring. Leave the thin, clingy, skimpy items to the anorexic 15 year olds. Avoid the 100% cotton or the 100% lycra. All you and I need to do is to find the simple looking, but well-fitting tailored separates, with the right amount of stretch. These simple separates might look plain on their own, but once they come together in the right colour combination or with the right accessory, voila! you are the very epitome of Curvy Chic . Enjoy your curves, ladies!